Finding yourself: I took Ayahuasca for the first time and now life will never look the same
I now understand why psychedelics are being heavily researched for improving mental health. I now understand why we’re all experiencing loads of mental health issues. I now understand why sometimes life seems so hard.
I recently went to an ayahuasca retreat and it was an amazing experience that has given me valuable insights into life. I basically left earth and had an out-of-dimension experience, and now life will never look the same. To be honest, it’s been really hard to explain to people who are not able to see beyond what they already know. So here’s my attempt at how I now view this crazy thing called life.
Firstly, ayahuasca is something everyone should try at least once, but it’s super important to do your research and make sure you’re at a prepared time in your life where you’ll be able to open your mind. Ayahuasca does not like ego and closed minds. Its only intention is to heal, and even if you don’t have anything specific to heal, it’s able to take you somewhere that’s extremely challenging to get to yourself. So proceed with caution.
As humans, we are not powered to be able to explore our full capacity, that’s why we can use things like ayahuasca to help us see deeper (keyword *help*). But yet, many people forget this and think all they know is all there is, or lack the curiosity to know more. The reality is, we’re constantly looking for answers. If someone claims to have their “life figured out” then we’re so quick to be curious about their secrets. But the key to life is as simple as this sounds — to find yourself and live that every day.
And where is your true self? Well, it’s definitely not on the other side of the world. Many people travel their whole life without ever getting to it. But sometimes the simplest of things is actually the most challenging. What I do know is, you don’t have to go very far to go far.
You’re probably closer to your true self than you think you are. Whether you meditate, consider yourself self-aware, or have become a monk, we are all on the same mission to dig deeper. Some people have already figured out how they work. That doesn’t mean their same techniques will work for you. At the end of the day, it’s super personal and you have to explore what’s able to take you the farthest.
Regardless of how you try to find yourself, the most challenging, however, is not falling in the trap. Every single one of us is a victim of being controlled by the system*. And even if you get somewhere deep within you, it’s challenging to stay there. But what if you strip away everything you’ve ever been told about life? You’ll see how basic it really is. We, as a society, have conformed to convenience, social pressure and judgements, and lost control over our own lives. How often are we truly doing things for ourselves? For example, if we look at what people post on social, is it for them or other people?
There’s a system* that we’re all living in. The system* consists of anything that’s been preconceived or predetermined in relation to your life. For example, you’re supposed to get a good job, get married, and have kids. You’re supposed to be showing your best life on Instagram. You’re supposed to be trendy. You’re supposed to drink alcohol in order to celebrate. You’re supposed to be connected to technology 24 hours a day. You’re supposed to look busy…
The system* is a term I’ve defined as what we’ve been told to do as a society, and what the society has made normal. This system is not always at fault of our own, and it has many factors involved. It could range from rules and beliefs that have been around for centuries, or it could be new normals we have just started to conform to. Whatever it is, it is defined as having preconceived notions that can alter other truths and beliefs just based on what’s always been done and what is believed as the way things should be done.
We forget that we are the most important piece of this thing called life. We have an entire universe inside of us that most of us never discover. We travel so far, all around the world, just so we can meet ourselves. We take drugs or drink to escape life so that we can meet ourselves. Is it clear that in order to meet yourself you have to lose the very thing you live every day?
So why and how has life become hard and such a struggle for some people, to the point where we always need to escape it? Well, since we were born, we’ve entered life as a guest. We know nothing about it other than what we’re told. We learn from other people’s experiences and through trial and error. So when we’re told what to do, what’s right, and how to live, we listen. And we’re constantly being told what to do, more than we realize. And the outcome, unfortunately for us, is forgetting about the control you have as an individual. It’s so easy to forget about ourselves and conform to what everyone else is doing. It’s so easy to turn on autopilot, not think for yourself, and just follow the herd. And we’re scared about the next generation of robots…
When you get swept in it all and your autopilot is on for too long, you start to feel sad, anxious, worried, angry. You start to feel like you’re lost, losing control, out of touch with yourself. Hmmm, I wonder why!
Let’s take alcohol as one example. You probably got introduced to alcohol because it’s “something adults do”. As a kid, you wanted to feel like an adult too right? You probably had your first taste and didn’t like it. But you drank it anyway. In fact, you drank so much that you got really sick. And then you realized it’s fun to lose control. So you kept going, cause well, your friends are doing it too. Oh and now you’re older so you keep drinking because you still remember that feeling. It’s become essential, a natural occurrence. It’s just what people do. It’s available everywhere.
If you think back in time, did you really want to choose it every time you did? Does alcohol even have any health benefits though? Does it help with depression or anxiety? Or does it actually help create it? But yet it’s become so toleratable in our society, and more times than not the system* even encourages it. On the flip side, drugs are not toleratable in society, and “super bad for you”. But if we just look at some facts…
Can you see how we have conformed? Can you start to observe how you’ve fallen into the system* every day of your life? Just because everyone else is doing something, doesn’t always mean it’s right. There are too many people conforming their lives to things they don’t want to do, or do things only because they are led to believe that that’s what they should do, subconsciously or consciously.
Can you think of other examples in your life where you’ve fallen into the trap of the system*? I’m sure you can find many. I know I definitely can, but what matters now is that you’re aware of it. If you ever feel like you don’t want to do something, stay true to it. Next time you get asked to participate in a social challenge, ask yourself if you’re going to do it for yourself or because you were told to. Figure out who is controlling your actions, you or the system*.
How are we supposed to find ourselves if we’re being controlled? Being aware is when you can differentiate between yourself and the system*. And then it will be a lot easier to come back to yourself, without any conformities. But this can be challenging, and sometimes we’re left with no choice. However, the more power we put back into our hands, and the more we realize how much control we really do have, we can start to break free from the system* and into our own hearts, where we really belong.
“Finding yourself” is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten-dollar bill in last winter’s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. “Finding yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.” — Emily McDowell